Don't hit on your waiter. He might be married...

I think the title says enough. The hot waiters at Rancho, Luis and Abel, are married. Also, they have kids... I had to learn the hard way. Maybe now, this will help some of you.

In other words, I am single again. And for some reason, I intend to stay that way, because there are only two other guys I'd date, and neither of them live in this area... but then again, I'd probably take HIM back...

hate me

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

my birthday

my birthday was awesome. i'll post pictures of it soon. my younger sister made the mistake of telling abel, a rancho grande waiter, that it was my birthday. at the end of my meal, the whole staff came out carrying a sombrero, a plate of sour cream, a cup of spoons, and a camera.. they were singing to me in spanish. well, abel puts the sombrero on my head, and walks behind me, and puts sour cream on my face. i jumped up out of my chair, put sour cream on my hands, and i started putting sour cream on his face... well, he moved, and they got picks of me with him backed up into a corner fighting for his life, or so i wouldn't put sour cream on him. then they got picks of me with sour cream on my face... omg it was hilarious. after the staff left, abel was still in the back, and i still had sour cream, so i took a hand full of it and threw it at him. he ducked, so it went into his hair. it was freakin awesome.

okay...

I noticed that a lot of the stuff i'm posting lately on anything has been called okay... whatever though. currently my computer is dead, so i'm at the library checking my stuff. we're waiting on beall's to get my sisters check in the mail... yea, that's about it. anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. i need plans. if any of you are local, get in touch with me somehow... we should hang out. since i know most of you, and i'm assured that none of you are freaks, i think i'm going to post my number so my locals can call me. i need someone to hang out with. i'm going through a very hard time right now. i think i'm going to become a nun... or whatever. i'm not ready to share, so just keep me in mind whenever you are feeling sad, and know that i am also feeling very bad... yea, you heard me....

my original about me

I'm a very self-conscious person. I lack the social skills of a fly because I am shy, and I don't like talking to people. I read a lot in my spare time, because television bores me. I make jokes about my life, in terms of who I am, and who I could be. I lie to people to make them feel better because I don't like hurting people. I am a flirt, and I think everyone knows it. I go after guys who are already in relationships. I hate being rejected, so I don't allow myself to meet new people. I want to be happy, but it is so much easier trying to be sad. I walk with my head down to avoid eye contact with other people. Maybe they won't talk to me if I'm not looking at them. Right now I'm in conflict with my beliefs. I'm not sure what they are, but I would like to find out. If anyone wants to help me with this, feel free. I am a very cooperative person, but only because I want to avoid conflict. I hate hunting, and killing animals, yet, I eat meat. I'm semi-preppy, but I make fun of preps. I love music, but I hate playing the flute. I think the most beautiful music comes from saxophones, and pianos. I have strange dreams about things that sometimes come true. Horror movies scare me, but I like watching them. I love musicals. My favorites so far are Grease and Chicago. I like Dirty Dancing, but I prefer Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. I like to wear black, but pink is nice too. Calla lilies are pretty, but give them to me with black roses. I claim to hate rap, but I love Kanye West. I enjoy watching people dance, but I would never entertain the idea of dancing myself. I am a poet, and a chef. I make the best desserts. The only real food I cook is chicken spaghetti, and sometimes chicken enchiladas. I love Angelina Jolie. I think people are works of art. I want to have kids one day maybe I'll adopt. But most of all, I want to love someone, and be loved in return.

so, this is the worst day ever.

I say that like someone had died, and in a sense, someone has. Yesterday, my Sidekick II was stolen. As in, I left it on my coffee table while I went to the store, and when I came back, it was no where to be found. I have two witnesses who will attest to this. So I spent the better part of way too damn early to be awake looking for my cell phone, even though I knew where I left it.

Needless to say, my efforts were in vain. Jodi ended up finding my cell phone early this morning, laying casually in the yard in an area I never go. Which is weird, but whatever. My cell phone is destroyed. It looks like someone's dog used it for a chew toy.

At the moment I feel like Paris Hilton, because of the whole Sidekick thing.

Just a friendly reminder: Lock your doors Joaquin people. There is apparently a thief on the loose.

I NEED IDEAS

Okay everyone, I need ideas. I'm doing a website for my speech class on STDs.. how you get them. what their symptoms are. how to prevent yourself from getting one. how to treat them. that sort of thing. if anyone has anything new to suggest for the website, get back to me. so far i've had two really good ideas. one girl suggested putting hotline numbers so kids can call in and get information. another person suggested i put polls on the page. anyone else wanna be cool and suggest something? i'll credit you on my contributors page.

so douse yourself in cheap perfume...

For those of you who don't know, I am happy. H-A-P-P-Y. As in, OMG you don't want to be around me because I only talk about him happy. So trust me, unless you know Anthony, and want to talk about him, stay away from me.

Anyways, this weekend was amazing. I got to Carthage Friday night, and went straight to Anthony's house. We went to see Ice Age 2, which was so funny. Ended up running into Heather, who just happened to be sitting right behind us. It was crazy. Afterwards, we went back to Anthony's house, and me and Anthony got into a fight. It was strange. So after he decided he didn't want to fight with me, we just layed awake talking all night about everything. I love just being with him. The next morning, we woke up way early, and went to the old Beall's building to start setting things up for their cd release thingy. We stayed there all day, so I ended up hanging out with David's girlfriend, Valarie, who is so awesomely cool. Finally, 5 PM rolled around, and the shows started. It was a welcome relief from the monotony that I had been in all day. The bands were really good. Especially the children's choir. Anyone who wasn't there, missed a really good show.

Anthony's band was amazing. I love so much watching him perform. He has such a peaceful look on his face when he's playing. I can't take my eyes off of him when he plays. He looks so happy. I wish I could give him the same level of happiness that he gets from making music. Right now, he's my everything. Hopefully, he will be for years to come.

Also, I have big news. I will explain it all in detail when I know more about it. Keep your eyes peeled, because I know I will be telling you about it soon.

Oh yea, and I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to be a teacher. And a wedding planner. Basically, I want to do everything, but right now, those are the top two.

So yea, that's it. How was everyone else's weekend?

It is apparent...

It is apparent that I have too much time on my hands. Since I've been at school this morning, I've been on myspace, waiting for my last class to begin. It should begin soon, but I really don't want to go. I'd rather go hang out with Anthony for a little while. Hopefully that happens today. I really miss him. We talked for awhile last night on the phone after he left my house. That was before I cried myself to sleep because I hate the direction my life is currently going. I hate everything about this wretched prision I am trapped in. I just want to get out. Joaquin, TX is hell. There should be a sign upon entering that says "Where souls come to die." I know that due to the last few years, that sign is inappropriate, but it is very fitting to how living in BFN is making me feel. Well, I guess that is all for now.

DON'T GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE!!!

I feel sorry for all of those poor people who got up this morning and put on green shirts. This morning I went to the grocery store, and all around me was a gigantic rainbow in varying shades of green. It was scary. One guy was even pimpin himself out in green shamrock Mardi Gras beads. How weird. Needless to say, I'm not wearing green today.

On a brighter note, I (yes me!!) helped someone out today. That is something most people are use to. Me being sweet. But I walked down the coke aisle, and there was this old lady struggling to get a Diet Rootbeer off of the top shelve, and I just felt so bad for her, so I asked her if she needed help. You all should be proud of me. The old me wouldn't normally help someone out like that.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about the good old days of U-Turn and Jacob's Well. Anyone on here that use to go to either of those places should hit me up, and we should get together and do something like that again. I guess the only reason I've been thinking of U-Turn is because of conversations I have had with
Anthony. His friends mom has bought the old Beall's store in Carthage, and is in the process of turning it into a book store/coffee house/concert venue. It should be cool, but it has a good way to go before it's ready. That being said, I think I'm going to go now!

Much love to you all!!
Jessica

It’s amazing how much I’ve changed over the last few weeks.

It's amazing how much I've changed over the last few weeks. I have many friends, most of which I talk to on at least a bi-weekly basis. Today I was talking to one of them, and he kept going on and on about how he likes to get drunk and high before watching KoRn music videos because they make him trip out. He also mentioned something about the acid trip the set designer had to have been on. Now I'm not exactly the best person in the world, but sitting here listening to this guy talk, I am once again reminded that the teenage population of North America is ignorant. Most of us have grown up in areas where teen death is almost non-existent, and if it does exist, it is caused by something other than the teen's stupidity. Anything other than natural death and suicide are accidental, besides over dosing and drunk driving. When you do drugs, or drink, you are willingly and knowingly risking the life of someone else, regardless of whether or not you actually know the person whose safety you have threatened. So next time you are thinking of drinking or doing drugs, remember that it is your own stupidity that will cost you your life.

Tribute To The Nice Girls

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.

When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again...

Your dating personality profile:
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.

Your date match profile:
Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart.

Your Top Ten Traits
1. Practical
2. Liberal
3. Adventurous
4. Big-Hearted
5. Funny
6. Intellectual
7. Religious
8. Traditional
9. Outgoing
10. Wealthy/Ambitious

Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Wealthy/Ambitious
2. Shy
3. Funny
4. Adventurous
5. Conservative
6. Traditional
7. Big-Hearted
8. Practical
9. Intellectual
10. Religious


Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at http://www.datingdiversions.com/

Think YOU can spot the racist?

The Lady of Laredo

This photo was taken in a hospital after the patient was in an accident where he was responsible for a young woman's death.

It is said that when you receive this image and do not repost this, the woman will look for you during the night to collect your soul.

People in Laredo, Texas received this image and did not send it and were killed outside a bar; it looked as if this woman killed them. Send it to five people or the woman will look for you.




The Lady of Laredo
I got a comment about the lady of Laredo.
My friend told me to repost it
But I deleted it instead.
Now the lady of Laredo is knocking on my door.
She says she wants to talk
But Im sure she wants more.
The comment said she got killed
So Im sure that thats not her.
Some people believe in ghosts,
But I dont know if I concur.
Maybe I should reconsider, since the lady of Laredo is outside my front door.
I shouldnt have taken a chance like those people at the bar
Because Im certain that the lady of Laredo is knocking at my door.
She is smiling that wicked smile
And still carries reminders of the night
when the accident took her life.
I think I should have passed it on,
Now that the lady has pulled out a knife.

plumbers crack and a nice big fuck you to someone i know!!!

well, the plumber just left. he came in long enough to stick something in the toilet and tell my mother that there are TREE ROOTS growing in the toilet. while some of you might think this is weird, considering that we have a gigantic tree in the back yard and a moron that works with my mother usually fixing the plumbing, it is perfectly normal that there are tree roots growing in the plumbing systems.

i didn't get a good look at the plumber, but his wife was perfectly snotty, to say the least. she was tall, and had the shoulders of a fairly large man. kinda reminded me of someone i am related to. but whatever.

as for me being online right now, my dad finally relented and brought my computer back. i guess not having your calls answered for a week will do that to a man. lol. but now that i have my computer back, the damn thing is making all kinds of an awful racket. it sounds like someone let a jack hammer loose on the inside of it, and it is slowly tearing up any traces of what was once a hard drive.

okay, since i'm here, i might as well update those of you who don't go to school with me. i went back to panola tuesday. to some, that place is hell. to me, it is a sanctuary. my friends are there, and i actually like my classes this semester. and as for that rumor that i'm not in school, to those of you who started it, fuck off!!

well, i guess that is it for now. if anyone actually reads this, and wants to comment, feel free to.

also, check out http://www.myspace.com/billdawes. he has some of the funniest blogs i've read in a while. the titles seem to be sexually explicit, but i think you will enjoy reading what he has to say.

my response to jodi's blog entry!!

hey! i liked this blog entry. i have a journal entry similar to it that i was thinking about putting online last week. i'm glad we're such noble people. did you get that habitat for humanities thing from me? i think i have something like that in a blog entry of mine. i agree that you should do all of this stuff while you're still young enough to do it. so, i think we should go to a homeless shelter in like 2 weeks and give out sandwiches and blankets to homeless people. if you want to do this, don't worry about finding a shelter. i already have one that i use to volunteer at. all we need is a couple of big guys to go with us b/c i'm not going into that part of shreveport without a few big guys to make me feel secure. but lets go out into the world and do good and noble things for the good of everyone else. that would be awesome. we could do doctors without borders, and mercy ships. mercy ships is kinda like the peace corps, but it's strictly volunteer, and you get to go to places like africa and build schools and clinics, teach children, set up places for clean drinking water, work in the clinics, and other stuff, and i know a woman who goes out at least once a year to do the mercy ship thing. but whatever. we should be saintly people. and i agree with having children raised in the church. i don't want my kids to be wiccans, or masons. i want them to be good christian children. but my mom is catholic, so maybe i'll go back to her roots? it never hurts. but whatever. if you want, i'll go to the track with you, or else, we can do something else. but no more "going to the movies." next time you wanna get away, we need real plans. that way we don't look so lame driving around town. but whatever. i want a fire fighter....

http://www.mercyships.org. check that out.

future plans

Some of you who read my sister Jodi's blog will find that this is a familiar topic. Right now I'm thinking about my future goals and plans. I'm not so sure about college. It has never really been my thing. All along I've wanted to do something for the common good of the human species, so I've been thinking about joining either the Peace Corps for awhile, or spending a semester working with Mercy Ships. Either way, I'll be helping people. If that doesn't work out, I think I'd like to work with Habitat for Humanity, and help build houses, kinda like they do on Extreme Home Makeover. But anyways, those are my plans, laid out for the world to see.

For more information on the Peace Corps, go to www.peacecorps.gov. For more information on Mercy Ships, go to www.mercyships.org.