hate me

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

my birthday

my birthday was awesome. i'll post pictures of it soon. my younger sister made the mistake of telling abel, a rancho grande waiter, that it was my birthday. at the end of my meal, the whole staff came out carrying a sombrero, a plate of sour cream, a cup of spoons, and a camera.. they were singing to me in spanish. well, abel puts the sombrero on my head, and walks behind me, and puts sour cream on my face. i jumped up out of my chair, put sour cream on my hands, and i started putting sour cream on his face... well, he moved, and they got picks of me with him backed up into a corner fighting for his life, or so i wouldn't put sour cream on him. then they got picks of me with sour cream on my face... omg it was hilarious. after the staff left, abel was still in the back, and i still had sour cream, so i took a hand full of it and threw it at him. he ducked, so it went into his hair. it was freakin awesome.

okay...

I noticed that a lot of the stuff i'm posting lately on anything has been called okay... whatever though. currently my computer is dead, so i'm at the library checking my stuff. we're waiting on beall's to get my sisters check in the mail... yea, that's about it. anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. i need plans. if any of you are local, get in touch with me somehow... we should hang out. since i know most of you, and i'm assured that none of you are freaks, i think i'm going to post my number so my locals can call me. i need someone to hang out with. i'm going through a very hard time right now. i think i'm going to become a nun... or whatever. i'm not ready to share, so just keep me in mind whenever you are feeling sad, and know that i am also feeling very bad... yea, you heard me....