hate me

(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you


(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

my birthday

my birthday was awesome. i'll post pictures of it soon. my younger sister made the mistake of telling abel, a rancho grande waiter, that it was my birthday. at the end of my meal, the whole staff came out carrying a sombrero, a plate of sour cream, a cup of spoons, and a camera.. they were singing to me in spanish. well, abel puts the sombrero on my head, and walks behind me, and puts sour cream on my face. i jumped up out of my chair, put sour cream on my hands, and i started putting sour cream on his face... well, he moved, and they got picks of me with him backed up into a corner fighting for his life, or so i wouldn't put sour cream on him. then they got picks of me with sour cream on my face... omg it was hilarious. after the staff left, abel was still in the back, and i still had sour cream, so i took a hand full of it and threw it at him. he ducked, so it went into his hair. it was freakin awesome.

okay...

I noticed that a lot of the stuff i'm posting lately on anything has been called okay... whatever though. currently my computer is dead, so i'm at the library checking my stuff. we're waiting on beall's to get my sisters check in the mail... yea, that's about it. anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. i need plans. if any of you are local, get in touch with me somehow... we should hang out. since i know most of you, and i'm assured that none of you are freaks, i think i'm going to post my number so my locals can call me. i need someone to hang out with. i'm going through a very hard time right now. i think i'm going to become a nun... or whatever. i'm not ready to share, so just keep me in mind whenever you are feeling sad, and know that i am also feeling very bad... yea, you heard me....

my original about me

I'm a very self-conscious person. I lack the social skills of a fly because I am shy, and I don't like talking to people. I read a lot in my spare time, because television bores me. I make jokes about my life, in terms of who I am, and who I could be. I lie to people to make them feel better because I don't like hurting people. I am a flirt, and I think everyone knows it. I go after guys who are already in relationships. I hate being rejected, so I don't allow myself to meet new people. I want to be happy, but it is so much easier trying to be sad. I walk with my head down to avoid eye contact with other people. Maybe they won't talk to me if I'm not looking at them. Right now I'm in conflict with my beliefs. I'm not sure what they are, but I would like to find out. If anyone wants to help me with this, feel free. I am a very cooperative person, but only because I want to avoid conflict. I hate hunting, and killing animals, yet, I eat meat. I'm semi-preppy, but I make fun of preps. I love music, but I hate playing the flute. I think the most beautiful music comes from saxophones, and pianos. I have strange dreams about things that sometimes come true. Horror movies scare me, but I like watching them. I love musicals. My favorites so far are Grease and Chicago. I like Dirty Dancing, but I prefer Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. I like to wear black, but pink is nice too. Calla lilies are pretty, but give them to me with black roses. I claim to hate rap, but I love Kanye West. I enjoy watching people dance, but I would never entertain the idea of dancing myself. I am a poet, and a chef. I make the best desserts. The only real food I cook is chicken spaghetti, and sometimes chicken enchiladas. I love Angelina Jolie. I think people are works of art. I want to have kids one day maybe I'll adopt. But most of all, I want to love someone, and be loved in return.

so, this is the worst day ever.

I say that like someone had died, and in a sense, someone has. Yesterday, my Sidekick II was stolen. As in, I left it on my coffee table while I went to the store, and when I came back, it was no where to be found. I have two witnesses who will attest to this. So I spent the better part of way too damn early to be awake looking for my cell phone, even though I knew where I left it.

Needless to say, my efforts were in vain. Jodi ended up finding my cell phone early this morning, laying casually in the yard in an area I never go. Which is weird, but whatever. My cell phone is destroyed. It looks like someone's dog used it for a chew toy.

At the moment I feel like Paris Hilton, because of the whole Sidekick thing.

Just a friendly reminder: Lock your doors Joaquin people. There is apparently a thief on the loose.

I NEED IDEAS

Okay everyone, I need ideas. I'm doing a website for my speech class on STDs.. how you get them. what their symptoms are. how to prevent yourself from getting one. how to treat them. that sort of thing. if anyone has anything new to suggest for the website, get back to me. so far i've had two really good ideas. one girl suggested putting hotline numbers so kids can call in and get information. another person suggested i put polls on the page. anyone else wanna be cool and suggest something? i'll credit you on my contributors page.

so douse yourself in cheap perfume...

For those of you who don't know, I am happy. H-A-P-P-Y. As in, OMG you don't want to be around me because I only talk about him happy. So trust me, unless you know Anthony, and want to talk about him, stay away from me.

Anyways, this weekend was amazing. I got to Carthage Friday night, and went straight to Anthony's house. We went to see Ice Age 2, which was so funny. Ended up running into Heather, who just happened to be sitting right behind us. It was crazy. Afterwards, we went back to Anthony's house, and me and Anthony got into a fight. It was strange. So after he decided he didn't want to fight with me, we just layed awake talking all night about everything. I love just being with him. The next morning, we woke up way early, and went to the old Beall's building to start setting things up for their cd release thingy. We stayed there all day, so I ended up hanging out with David's girlfriend, Valarie, who is so awesomely cool. Finally, 5 PM rolled around, and the shows started. It was a welcome relief from the monotony that I had been in all day. The bands were really good. Especially the children's choir. Anyone who wasn't there, missed a really good show.

Anthony's band was amazing. I love so much watching him perform. He has such a peaceful look on his face when he's playing. I can't take my eyes off of him when he plays. He looks so happy. I wish I could give him the same level of happiness that he gets from making music. Right now, he's my everything. Hopefully, he will be for years to come.

Also, I have big news. I will explain it all in detail when I know more about it. Keep your eyes peeled, because I know I will be telling you about it soon.

Oh yea, and I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to be a teacher. And a wedding planner. Basically, I want to do everything, but right now, those are the top two.

So yea, that's it. How was everyone else's weekend?