Tell me, love...
Is it all a lie?
This grand illusion I have been hiding behind...
The painted faces and crooked smiles...
Fingers intertwined, tender kisses on the lips.
Is this all a lie?
Can a reflection really tell you what is on the inside?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Friday, August 8, 2008
orbital
okay, i got my orbital pierced last night. check out my photo albums for pics of it and my 2 week old septum. so far it's my favorite, and most painful piercing to date. i am in lust... even though i am in pain. i can't wait until i get my helix pierced. it's gonna hurt like a bitch, but i will be happy with it.
piercings i want: monroe, spiral helix, tons more on my ears
next up though... the tattoo!! yay!!
piercings i want: monroe, spiral helix, tons more on my ears
next up though... the tattoo!! yay!!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
another old who i’d like to meet
Okay, what can I say here that I haven't already said before? I know it shouldn't be that hard to explain to a general audience what I am looking for, but in this day and age, I feel I have to be direct and tell you exactly what I want, or else I will end up with someone totally lame, and totally wrong for me… even though that is usually what I get off of my list of requirements anyways. And while it is not that important to fit my requirements to a tee, it would be nice if you could at least fit 2/3 of them.
In a general sense, looks are not that important. While I want someone with a nice face, and a nice body, looks really don't mean a damn to me. As long as whoever I am with has a good personality, I can overlook the fact that he isn't Johnny Depp, or Chris Daughtry.
I need a guy with a good sense of humor… someone that can make me laugh and smile when life is not going my way. A guy that knows when I have had a bad day, and can come home and make me happy just to be with him. Hopefully this guy will have the good sense to give me a massage on days like these.
I need a guy who is more than willing to spend a lot of time with me. I am a lot of work… not high maintenance, but I need attention from who I am dating. I need someone who is willing to call or text me, even if it is just for a few minutes out of the day. I also need a guy who can make time in his busy schedule to spend time with me, and not take my presence for granted. It doesn't matter what we are doing. We could just be sitting in the silence, enjoying each other's company. As long as I am spending time with you, it doesn't matter what we are doing.
I need a guy who is going to be a total gentleman. The type that opens doors, and pays for things. I am tired of being the one to spend the money in relationships. I want a man who is willing to be the dominant one in the relationship. For once I don't want a man to take my independence and use it against me. I may be independent, but for once, I want someone who wants to take care of me.
I need a guy who wants a family… a big family. Not someone who says he wants a family, then stays with me for a year, and then drops it on me that he isn't really interested in having kids. Don't waste my time. Don't waste yours. It's not really worth it.
I need a guy who has a job, and at least an idea of what he wants to do with his life, and a plan on how to get there. Ambition is nice, and it will get you far with me. While I plan to have a career, I don't plan to support some lazy bum who is used to his parents carrying him through life.
Anyways, this is just a general idea. Nothing too fancy, because I am not that picky.
In a general sense, looks are not that important. While I want someone with a nice face, and a nice body, looks really don't mean a damn to me. As long as whoever I am with has a good personality, I can overlook the fact that he isn't Johnny Depp, or Chris Daughtry.
I need a guy with a good sense of humor… someone that can make me laugh and smile when life is not going my way. A guy that knows when I have had a bad day, and can come home and make me happy just to be with him. Hopefully this guy will have the good sense to give me a massage on days like these.
I need a guy who is more than willing to spend a lot of time with me. I am a lot of work… not high maintenance, but I need attention from who I am dating. I need someone who is willing to call or text me, even if it is just for a few minutes out of the day. I also need a guy who can make time in his busy schedule to spend time with me, and not take my presence for granted. It doesn't matter what we are doing. We could just be sitting in the silence, enjoying each other's company. As long as I am spending time with you, it doesn't matter what we are doing.
I need a guy who is going to be a total gentleman. The type that opens doors, and pays for things. I am tired of being the one to spend the money in relationships. I want a man who is willing to be the dominant one in the relationship. For once I don't want a man to take my independence and use it against me. I may be independent, but for once, I want someone who wants to take care of me.
I need a guy who wants a family… a big family. Not someone who says he wants a family, then stays with me for a year, and then drops it on me that he isn't really interested in having kids. Don't waste my time. Don't waste yours. It's not really worth it.
I need a guy who has a job, and at least an idea of what he wants to do with his life, and a plan on how to get there. Ambition is nice, and it will get you far with me. While I plan to have a career, I don't plan to support some lazy bum who is used to his parents carrying him through life.
Anyways, this is just a general idea. Nothing too fancy, because I am not that picky.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
a poem i found
A boy and a girl,
the best of friends.
From elementary to high school
from beginning to end.
Through all those years
their friendship grew.
They both felt the same,
but neither knew.
Each waking moment
since the day they met.
They both loved each other
sunrise to sunset.
He was all she had
in her terrible life.
He was the one
who kept her from her knife.
She was his angel,
she made him smile.
Though life threw him curves,
she made it all worth while.
Then one day
things went terribly wrong.
The next few weeks
were like a very sad song.
He made her jealous
on purpose he tried.
When the girl asked, "Do you love her?"
on purpose he lied.
He played with jealousy
like it was a game.
Little did he know
Things would never be the same.
His plan was working
but he had no clue.
How wrong things would go,
the damage he would do.
One night she broke down,
feeling very alone.
Just her and the blade,
no one else home.
She dialed his number,
he answered, "Hello"
She told him she loved him
and hung up the phone.
He raced to her house
just a minute too late.
Found her lying in blood,
her heart had no rate.
Beside her was a note,
in it her confession.
Her love for this boy,
her only obsession.
As he read the note,
he knelt down and cried.
Grabbed her knife,
that night they both died.
She was found in his arms,
both of them dead.
Under her note
his handwriting said:
"I loved her so,
she never knew.
All this time
I loved her too."
the best of friends.
From elementary to high school
from beginning to end.
Through all those years
their friendship grew.
They both felt the same,
but neither knew.
Each waking moment
since the day they met.
They both loved each other
sunrise to sunset.
He was all she had
in her terrible life.
He was the one
who kept her from her knife.
She was his angel,
she made him smile.
Though life threw him curves,
she made it all worth while.
Then one day
things went terribly wrong.
The next few weeks
were like a very sad song.
He made her jealous
on purpose he tried.
When the girl asked, "Do you love her?"
on purpose he lied.
He played with jealousy
like it was a game.
Little did he know
Things would never be the same.
His plan was working
but he had no clue.
How wrong things would go,
the damage he would do.
One night she broke down,
feeling very alone.
Just her and the blade,
no one else home.
She dialed his number,
he answered, "Hello"
She told him she loved him
and hung up the phone.
He raced to her house
just a minute too late.
Found her lying in blood,
her heart had no rate.
Beside her was a note,
in it her confession.
Her love for this boy,
her only obsession.
As he read the note,
he knelt down and cried.
Grabbed her knife,
that night they both died.
She was found in his arms,
both of them dead.
Under her note
his handwriting said:
"I loved her so,
she never knew.
All this time
I loved her too."
Monday, November 26, 2007
karma... what a bitch.
Dear Karma,
I thought you were my friend, but time and time again, you have screwed me over. I know that what goes around also comes around, but this time I feel as if I have done nothing to deserve anything bad you have given me lately.
In the last year, you have given me so much, but as always happens, you also take away. First, you give me a great guy, but like I was prone to doing when I was younger, I screwed it up, and you, like a bitch decided to make things harder for me… harder to get, and harder to screw up. It wasn't really that hard to get, or so I thought. I was getting whatever I wanted, from whoever I could get it from, and I thought I was happy, but once again, you had proved your point. It was harder to get than I had originally thought. I was getting the attention, but the emotional aspect was missing.
So I moved on. Then I found another guy. It was both a physical and emotional attraction, and I was enjoying myself, but then he became self involved, and I wasn't willing to share him with his friends, or fight for his time, so I moved on, yet again.
Next, I venture into the unknown, and date a girl, who it could be said, treated me better than any of the other guys I have ever dated, except for the first. She gave me almost every thing I wanted, and still, I wasn't happy. I think it's because ultimately, she couldn't give me the only things I have ever truly desired in life. So in the end, we called things quits, and she moved on.
So for the last few months, I have been dating so many random guys in a vain attempt to get back the love, affection, emotion I so desperately seek. And for once I am tired of finding losers. So please Karma, send me someone worthy of my time, and of my attention. I don't want another drugged out loser who cares more about himself, and his job than he does about me, because while it is nice to have a guy with a job, what good is this guy if I never see him?
I am tired of putting myself out there, and never getting anything in return. I mean, bad sex in exchange for an evening out with a guy that I don't have anything in common with… I don't want this. I don't want any of it. So karma, if you are listening, please stop sending me shit. I am ready for a real life. A real commitment. A real love.
Desperately yours,
Jessica
I thought you were my friend, but time and time again, you have screwed me over. I know that what goes around also comes around, but this time I feel as if I have done nothing to deserve anything bad you have given me lately.
In the last year, you have given me so much, but as always happens, you also take away. First, you give me a great guy, but like I was prone to doing when I was younger, I screwed it up, and you, like a bitch decided to make things harder for me… harder to get, and harder to screw up. It wasn't really that hard to get, or so I thought. I was getting whatever I wanted, from whoever I could get it from, and I thought I was happy, but once again, you had proved your point. It was harder to get than I had originally thought. I was getting the attention, but the emotional aspect was missing.
So I moved on. Then I found another guy. It was both a physical and emotional attraction, and I was enjoying myself, but then he became self involved, and I wasn't willing to share him with his friends, or fight for his time, so I moved on, yet again.
Next, I venture into the unknown, and date a girl, who it could be said, treated me better than any of the other guys I have ever dated, except for the first. She gave me almost every thing I wanted, and still, I wasn't happy. I think it's because ultimately, she couldn't give me the only things I have ever truly desired in life. So in the end, we called things quits, and she moved on.
So for the last few months, I have been dating so many random guys in a vain attempt to get back the love, affection, emotion I so desperately seek. And for once I am tired of finding losers. So please Karma, send me someone worthy of my time, and of my attention. I don't want another drugged out loser who cares more about himself, and his job than he does about me, because while it is nice to have a guy with a job, what good is this guy if I never see him?
I am tired of putting myself out there, and never getting anything in return. I mean, bad sex in exchange for an evening out with a guy that I don't have anything in common with… I don't want this. I don't want any of it. So karma, if you are listening, please stop sending me shit. I am ready for a real life. A real commitment. A real love.
Desperately yours,
Jessica
Thursday, October 25, 2007
my old who i’d like to meet section
someone who will lay beside me while i sleep and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. someone who can understand me, even when i am being stupid. someone who doesn't expect much from me. someone i don't expect much from. someone who works. someone who lets me be myself, and realizes that i need time just to go out and be a girl. someone who doesn't care what i look like, as long as i have a good heart. someone who realizes that i am quirky, and doesn't care that i want to dye my hair hot pink and black. someone who doesn't lie to me. someone who reminds me a lot of me. someone like you.
Okay, to be perfectly honest, I think I may have to put what I do not want to meet.
1. I don't want to meet someone who is only interested in sex.
2. I don't want someone who is addicted to drugs of anyone.
3. I don't want someone who cannot work, and then depends on me to take care of them. I am not your momma. Get off your ass and work.
4. If you don't want kids, I probably do not want to deal with your bullshit.
5. If you can't make time for me, I don't think I will be able to make time for you.
okay, tell me why it is that i am always looking, but never finding. is it because i have already found what i am looking for, but just gave up on it because it was too hard? this life sucks. i am ready for what comes next, but that too is not presenting itself. i am tired of always finding guys that don't last. i want something real, something that i can hold on to... is that too much to ask?
Okay, here are my requirements.
1. i want a guy with a job. i work, so he should have to work too.
2. i want a guy who has all of his teeth. LMAO.
3. i want a guy who has ambition, either to his job, or towards going somewhere with his life.
4. if you don't want kids, move along. no point in wasting my time, or yours.
5. if you do drugs, even weed, see number 4.
6. i want a guy who is musically talented, or at least likes music.
7. if you are in the military, or work as a cop, emt, or fire fighter, you will score major points with me. i love a man in uniform.
8. i want a guy who isn't abusive. i have dealt with this before, and i am not dealing with it again.
9. i want a guy who is willing to spend a great deal of time with me, or near me. even if we aren't talking. just sitting next to each other enjoying the silence.
10. i want a guy over the age of 20. preferably someone who drinks socially. not an outright alcoholic.
11. if you are interested in dungeons and dragons, WOW, or any other sword fighting, role playing stuff, don't tell me. i don't need to know.
12. i want a guy who isn't going to go back to his ex girlfriend next week. if you cheat on me with a fat chick with a mustache, go fuck yourself.
If you actually made it this far, and you think you can make me happy, message me. Right now, I am at a point of my life where I am picky. Don't expect much from me, because I am not in the mood for your bullshit. Also, don't expect sex from me. I am not wanting a sexual relationship.
so yea, this basically sums everything up. i am not majorly picky. at least i don't think i am.
Okay, to be perfectly honest, I think I may have to put what I do not want to meet.
1. I don't want to meet someone who is only interested in sex.
2. I don't want someone who is addicted to drugs of anyone.
3. I don't want someone who cannot work, and then depends on me to take care of them. I am not your momma. Get off your ass and work.
4. If you don't want kids, I probably do not want to deal with your bullshit.
5. If you can't make time for me, I don't think I will be able to make time for you.
okay, tell me why it is that i am always looking, but never finding. is it because i have already found what i am looking for, but just gave up on it because it was too hard? this life sucks. i am ready for what comes next, but that too is not presenting itself. i am tired of always finding guys that don't last. i want something real, something that i can hold on to... is that too much to ask?
Okay, here are my requirements.
1. i want a guy with a job. i work, so he should have to work too.
2. i want a guy who has all of his teeth. LMAO.
3. i want a guy who has ambition, either to his job, or towards going somewhere with his life.
4. if you don't want kids, move along. no point in wasting my time, or yours.
5. if you do drugs, even weed, see number 4.
6. i want a guy who is musically talented, or at least likes music.
7. if you are in the military, or work as a cop, emt, or fire fighter, you will score major points with me. i love a man in uniform.
8. i want a guy who isn't abusive. i have dealt with this before, and i am not dealing with it again.
9. i want a guy who is willing to spend a great deal of time with me, or near me. even if we aren't talking. just sitting next to each other enjoying the silence.
10. i want a guy over the age of 20. preferably someone who drinks socially. not an outright alcoholic.
11. if you are interested in dungeons and dragons, WOW, or any other sword fighting, role playing stuff, don't tell me. i don't need to know.
12. i want a guy who isn't going to go back to his ex girlfriend next week. if you cheat on me with a fat chick with a mustache, go fuck yourself.
If you actually made it this far, and you think you can make me happy, message me. Right now, I am at a point of my life where I am picky. Don't expect much from me, because I am not in the mood for your bullshit. Also, don't expect sex from me. I am not wanting a sexual relationship.
so yea, this basically sums everything up. i am not majorly picky. at least i don't think i am.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Don't hit on your waiter. He might be married...
I think the title says enough. The hot waiters at Rancho, Luis and Abel, are married. Also, they have kids... I had to learn the hard way. Maybe now, this will help some of you.
In other words, I am single again. And for some reason, I intend to stay that way, because there are only two other guys I'd date, and neither of them live in this area... but then again, I'd probably take HIM back...
In other words, I am single again. And for some reason, I intend to stay that way, because there are only two other guys I'd date, and neither of them live in this area... but then again, I'd probably take HIM back...
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
hate me
(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing that I won't touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling make it go away,
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
my birthday
my birthday was awesome. i'll post pictures of it soon. my younger sister made the mistake of telling abel, a rancho grande waiter, that it was my birthday. at the end of my meal, the whole staff came out carrying a sombrero, a plate of sour cream, a cup of spoons, and a camera.. they were singing to me in spanish. well, abel puts the sombrero on my head, and walks behind me, and puts sour cream on my face. i jumped up out of my chair, put sour cream on my hands, and i started putting sour cream on his face... well, he moved, and they got picks of me with him backed up into a corner fighting for his life, or so i wouldn't put sour cream on him. then they got picks of me with sour cream on my face... omg it was hilarious. after the staff left, abel was still in the back, and i still had sour cream, so i took a hand full of it and threw it at him. he ducked, so it went into his hair. it was freakin awesome.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
okay...
I noticed that a lot of the stuff i'm posting lately on anything has been called okay... whatever though. currently my computer is dead, so i'm at the library checking my stuff. we're waiting on beall's to get my sisters check in the mail... yea, that's about it. anyways, tomorrow is my birthday. i need plans. if any of you are local, get in touch with me somehow... we should hang out. since i know most of you, and i'm assured that none of you are freaks, i think i'm going to post my number so my locals can call me. i need someone to hang out with. i'm going through a very hard time right now. i think i'm going to become a nun... or whatever. i'm not ready to share, so just keep me in mind whenever you are feeling sad, and know that i am also feeling very bad... yea, you heard me....
Friday, April 7, 2006
my original about me
I'm a very self-conscious person. I lack the social skills of a fly because I am shy, and I don't like talking to people. I read a lot in my spare time, because television bores me. I make jokes about my life, in terms of who I am, and who I could be. I lie to people to make them feel better because I don't like hurting people. I am a flirt, and I think everyone knows it. I go after guys who are already in relationships. I hate being rejected, so I don't allow myself to meet new people. I want to be happy, but it is so much easier trying to be sad. I walk with my head down to avoid eye contact with other people. Maybe they won't talk to me if I'm not looking at them. Right now I'm in conflict with my beliefs. I'm not sure what they are, but I would like to find out. If anyone wants to help me with this, feel free. I am a very cooperative person, but only because I want to avoid conflict. I hate hunting, and killing animals, yet, I eat meat. I'm semi-preppy, but I make fun of preps. I love music, but I hate playing the flute. I think the most beautiful music comes from saxophones, and pianos. I have strange dreams about things that sometimes come true. Horror movies scare me, but I like watching them. I love musicals. My favorites so far are Grease and Chicago. I like Dirty Dancing, but I prefer Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights. I like to wear black, but pink is nice too. Calla lilies are pretty, but give them to me with black roses. I claim to hate rap, but I love Kanye West. I enjoy watching people dance, but I would never entertain the idea of dancing myself. I am a poet, and a chef. I make the best desserts. The only real food I cook is chicken spaghetti, and sometimes chicken enchiladas. I love Angelina Jolie. I think people are works of art. I want to have kids one day maybe I'll adopt. But most of all, I want to love someone, and be loved in return.
Monday, April 3, 2006
so, this is the worst day ever.
I say that like someone had died, and in a sense, someone has. Yesterday, my Sidekick II was stolen. As in, I left it on my coffee table while I went to the store, and when I came back, it was no where to be found. I have two witnesses who will attest to this. So I spent the better part of way too damn early to be awake looking for my cell phone, even though I knew where I left it.
Needless to say, my efforts were in vain. Jodi ended up finding my cell phone early this morning, laying casually in the yard in an area I never go. Which is weird, but whatever. My cell phone is destroyed. It looks like someone's dog used it for a chew toy.
At the moment I feel like Paris Hilton, because of the whole Sidekick thing.
Just a friendly reminder: Lock your doors Joaquin people. There is apparently a thief on the loose.
Needless to say, my efforts were in vain. Jodi ended up finding my cell phone early this morning, laying casually in the yard in an area I never go. Which is weird, but whatever. My cell phone is destroyed. It looks like someone's dog used it for a chew toy.
At the moment I feel like Paris Hilton, because of the whole Sidekick thing.
Just a friendly reminder: Lock your doors Joaquin people. There is apparently a thief on the loose.
Sunday, April 2, 2006
I NEED IDEAS
Okay everyone, I need ideas. I'm doing a website for my speech class on STDs.. how you get them. what their symptoms are. how to prevent yourself from getting one. how to treat them. that sort of thing. if anyone has anything new to suggest for the website, get back to me. so far i've had two really good ideas. one girl suggested putting hotline numbers so kids can call in and get information. another person suggested i put polls on the page. anyone else wanna be cool and suggest something? i'll credit you on my contributors page.
so douse yourself in cheap perfume...
For those of you who don't know, I am happy. H-A-P-P-Y. As in, OMG you don't want to be around me because I only talk about him happy. So trust me, unless you know Anthony, and want to talk about him, stay away from me.
Anyways, this weekend was amazing. I got to Carthage Friday night, and went straight to Anthony's house. We went to see Ice Age 2, which was so funny. Ended up running into Heather, who just happened to be sitting right behind us. It was crazy. Afterwards, we went back to Anthony's house, and me and Anthony got into a fight. It was strange. So after he decided he didn't want to fight with me, we just layed awake talking all night about everything. I love just being with him. The next morning, we woke up way early, and went to the old Beall's building to start setting things up for their cd release thingy. We stayed there all day, so I ended up hanging out with David's girlfriend, Valarie, who is so awesomely cool. Finally, 5 PM rolled around, and the shows started. It was a welcome relief from the monotony that I had been in all day. The bands were really good. Especially the children's choir. Anyone who wasn't there, missed a really good show.
Anthony's band was amazing. I love so much watching him perform. He has such a peaceful look on his face when he's playing. I can't take my eyes off of him when he plays. He looks so happy. I wish I could give him the same level of happiness that he gets from making music. Right now, he's my everything. Hopefully, he will be for years to come.
Also, I have big news. I will explain it all in detail when I know more about it. Keep your eyes peeled, because I know I will be telling you about it soon.
Oh yea, and I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to be a teacher. And a wedding planner. Basically, I want to do everything, but right now, those are the top two.
So yea, that's it. How was everyone else's weekend?
Anyways, this weekend was amazing. I got to Carthage Friday night, and went straight to Anthony's house. We went to see Ice Age 2, which was so funny. Ended up running into Heather, who just happened to be sitting right behind us. It was crazy. Afterwards, we went back to Anthony's house, and me and Anthony got into a fight. It was strange. So after he decided he didn't want to fight with me, we just layed awake talking all night about everything. I love just being with him. The next morning, we woke up way early, and went to the old Beall's building to start setting things up for their cd release thingy. We stayed there all day, so I ended up hanging out with David's girlfriend, Valarie, who is so awesomely cool. Finally, 5 PM rolled around, and the shows started. It was a welcome relief from the monotony that I had been in all day. The bands were really good. Especially the children's choir. Anyone who wasn't there, missed a really good show.
Anthony's band was amazing. I love so much watching him perform. He has such a peaceful look on his face when he's playing. I can't take my eyes off of him when he plays. He looks so happy. I wish I could give him the same level of happiness that he gets from making music. Right now, he's my everything. Hopefully, he will be for years to come.
Also, I have big news. I will explain it all in detail when I know more about it. Keep your eyes peeled, because I know I will be telling you about it soon.
Oh yea, and I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to be a teacher. And a wedding planner. Basically, I want to do everything, but right now, those are the top two.
So yea, that's it. How was everyone else's weekend?
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
It is apparent...
It is apparent that I have too much time on my hands. Since I've been at school this morning, I've been on myspace, waiting for my last class to begin. It should begin soon, but I really don't want to go. I'd rather go hang out with Anthony for a little while. Hopefully that happens today. I really miss him. We talked for awhile last night on the phone after he left my house. That was before I cried myself to sleep because I hate the direction my life is currently going. I hate everything about this wretched prision I am trapped in. I just want to get out. Joaquin, TX is hell. There should be a sign upon entering that says "Where souls come to die." I know that due to the last few years, that sign is inappropriate, but it is very fitting to how living in BFN is making me feel. Well, I guess that is all for now.
Friday, March 17, 2006
DON'T GIVE IN TO THE DARK SIDE!!!
I feel sorry for all of those poor people who got up this morning and put on green shirts. This morning I went to the grocery store, and all around me was a gigantic rainbow in varying shades of green. It was scary. One guy was even pimpin himself out in green shamrock Mardi Gras beads. How weird. Needless to say, I'm not wearing green today.
On a brighter note, I (yes me!!) helped someone out today. That is something most people are use to. Me being sweet. But I walked down the coke aisle, and there was this old lady struggling to get a Diet Rootbeer off of the top shelve, and I just felt so bad for her, so I asked her if she needed help. You all should be proud of me. The old me wouldn't normally help someone out like that.
Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about the good old days of U-Turn and Jacob's Well. Anyone on here that use to go to either of those places should hit me up, and we should get together and do something like that again. I guess the only reason I've been thinking of U-Turn is because of conversations I have had with
Anthony. His friends mom has bought the old Beall's store in Carthage, and is in the process of turning it into a book store/coffee house/concert venue. It should be cool, but it has a good way to go before it's ready. That being said, I think I'm going to go now!
Much love to you all!!
Jessica
On a brighter note, I (yes me!!) helped someone out today. That is something most people are use to. Me being sweet. But I walked down the coke aisle, and there was this old lady struggling to get a Diet Rootbeer off of the top shelve, and I just felt so bad for her, so I asked her if she needed help. You all should be proud of me. The old me wouldn't normally help someone out like that.
Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about the good old days of U-Turn and Jacob's Well. Anyone on here that use to go to either of those places should hit me up, and we should get together and do something like that again. I guess the only reason I've been thinking of U-Turn is because of conversations I have had with
Anthony. His friends mom has bought the old Beall's store in Carthage, and is in the process of turning it into a book store/coffee house/concert venue. It should be cool, but it has a good way to go before it's ready. That being said, I think I'm going to go now!
Much love to you all!!
Jessica
Friday, February 24, 2006
It’s amazing how much I’ve changed over the last few weeks.
It's amazing how much I've changed over the last few weeks. I have many friends, most of which I talk to on at least a bi-weekly basis. Today I was talking to one of them, and he kept going on and on about how he likes to get drunk and high before watching KoRn music videos because they make him trip out. He also mentioned something about the acid trip the set designer had to have been on. Now I'm not exactly the best person in the world, but sitting here listening to this guy talk, I am once again reminded that the teenage population of North America is ignorant. Most of us have grown up in areas where teen death is almost non-existent, and if it does exist, it is caused by something other than the teen's stupidity. Anything other than natural death and suicide are accidental, besides over dosing and drunk driving. When you do drugs, or drink, you are willingly and knowingly risking the life of someone else, regardless of whether or not you actually know the person whose safety you have threatened. So next time you are thinking of drinking or doing drugs, remember that it is your own stupidity that will cost you your life.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Tribute To The Nice Girls
Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.
Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.
Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.
Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".
This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."
Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.
We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.
Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.
One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.
This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again...
Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught shit from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for a while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.
Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.
Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".
This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."
Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, their beds, and their dreams again.
We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.
Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a shit about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.
When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the HELL he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.
One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like hell, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.
This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again...
Friday, February 17, 2006
Your dating personality profile:
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.
Your date match profile:
Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart.
Your Top Ten Traits
1. Practical
2. Liberal
3. Adventurous
4. Big-Hearted
5. Funny
6. Intellectual
7. Religious
8. Traditional
9. Outgoing
10. Wealthy/Ambitious
Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Wealthy/Ambitious
2. Shy
3. Funny
4. Adventurous
5. Conservative
6. Traditional
7. Big-Hearted
8. Practical
9. Intellectual
10. Religious
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at http://www.datingdiversions.com/
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Adventurous - Just sitting around the house is not something that appeals to you. You love to be out trying new things and really experiencing life.
Your date match profile:
Wealthy/Ambitious - You seek someone with goals, someone to whom success is important. You would like for this person to open up new experiences and opportunities for you.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.
Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If his jokes make you laugh, he has won your heart.
Your Top Ten Traits
1. Practical
2. Liberal
3. Adventurous
4. Big-Hearted
5. Funny
6. Intellectual
7. Religious
8. Traditional
9. Outgoing
10. Wealthy/Ambitious
Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Wealthy/Ambitious
2. Shy
3. Funny
4. Adventurous
5. Conservative
6. Traditional
7. Big-Hearted
8. Practical
9. Intellectual
10. Religious
Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at http://www.datingdiversions.com/
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